Some weeks back, the Ontario Hockey League faced a serious and unfortunate situation.
A well respected, highly-regarded team owner (who doubled as the team’s GM and Coach), himself a long-time “star” in the National Hockey League – and experienced in the importance of communication, including with the media – was forced to give up his involvement with the team.
Why?
In a private, informal “meeting”, he was alleged to have uttered comments about a player from his team that were racially-based. The player in question was not in attendance at the informal gathering. The comments were made privately, not in a broad public forum, or with any members of the print or electronic media present.
More than simply insensitive, the comments, by all accounts, were harmful, disrespectful and indefensible.
The notion that the comments were not made “in public”, or “to the media” is largely irrelevant. The comments had been made, were certainly indefensible, and were reported to the player and his agent, among others.
The media “finding out” about the comments only made an already negative situation more “public”, from a team public relations perspective.
The league acted swiftly and firmly and suspended the individual for a minimum of five years.
There is no question that it’s easy to “pile on” after the fact, to isolate and castigate the individual who made the offensive remarks as though he were the only person in the world who has ever engaged – or still does engage, sadly – in this kind of behavior, or has made those kinds of comments, privately or not.
Did the words of the team owner/coach truly reflect what was in his heart? Or was it a case of someone simply making a thoughtless, senseless comment in anger, in “the heat of the moment”?
Regardless, the comments that were alleged to have been made were, at best, intolerable and required a response from the league he was a part of, and from within the sporting community.
To his credit, the individual apologized privately and publicly and seemed quite genuine in doing so.
We are all in the process of a life-long learning experience, whatever field we are in, whatever background we come from, whatever ‘stage’ we are at in our life. We all carry with us sentiments, feelings, opinions that have been shaped and molded since we were quite young.
This, of course, does not forgive actions which are inappropriate on any number of levels.
Whatever those experiences that shaped us – for better or worse – dealing properly and thoughtfully with circumstances that we face as adults, as parents, in our jobs and in our dealings with others, is part of the responsibility we all face. That includes those with positions of responsibility in the world of sports.
But beyond the particular comments that were made, and the league’s response, is there something else to consider?
In the case cited above, the issue had nothing to do “dealing with the media” effectively or credibly, or with being a “good communicator”. The individual who said those things might be a wonderful “communicator”, generally speaking, but that would not and does not alter the reality that what he said – about one of his players, or about anyone else, for that matter – is simply unacceptable.
Having said that, being a “good communicator” for most of us is a skill that can be developed. Striving to be a credible, thoughtful communicator can help us accomplish some important life objectives. Part of being a “good communicator” is simply this: thinking before we speak. We ask ourselves, if only in a reflective split-second, is what we are about to say going to in some manner harm, embarrass or unfairly impugn another person? Will our words and comments harm or embarrass us, as the one uttering those comments?
Few would want to live in a world where people had to count to ten each time before they said hello in the morning, for fear they might say something offensive and be labeled unfairly in a negative light. It would seem, and be, superficial and not at all genuine.
Being spontaneous and genuine can be part of being engaging. But sometimes people, including athletes and high profile individuals in various fields, can fall into the trap of thinking they can say whatever they want because of who they are.
And these same individuals often believe they will not face any consequences.
This one incident demonstrated many things, among them that even a track record of NHL success, and being ‘the boss”, doesn’t give a person immunity when they cross the line. What you say out loud can’t be taken back. And the consequences can be real, and serious.
Our words have a way of branding us for a long time, and undoing years of good works.
We have said it before: it often takes years to build one’s credibility, and one’s personal integrity. Fair or not, sometimes it only takes one thoughtless comment to throw it away.
