Managing Feelings?

When a prominent Major Junior player, then all of 18 years of age, was returned to his junior club almost exactly one year ago just after mid-September, 2001, much was made about his reaction to the "demotion".

Granted, to be quoted as saying that this apparently unexpected turn of events was "the worst day of [his] life", as the player reportedly said, may have seemed rather shallow, lacking in perspective and a little revealing - particularly in light of the tragic deaths of innocent people just days earlier in New York.

On the one hand, such a reaction is entirely normal, especially for a young person thrown into a very grown-up world. It does beg the question, however (as we raised in an earlier commentary when it came to the John Rocker situation): where are those who are supposed to be guiding and shaping the development of these precocious - but sometimes life-inexperienced - athletes?

My focus here, though, is the entirely confusing public reaction made by the management of the NHL team in question.

Their response in explaining their decision at the time: "This is a men's league, and he [the player] is still a boy." Another comment attributed to a then team executive: "We're not in the business of managing people's feelings".

Well, agreed. No one can "manage" anyone else's "feelings".

But, when an 18 or 19-year-old youngster is:
invited to play in an unfamiliar environment, in unfamiliar surroundings
when demands well beyond the norm are placed upon that individual
when the media is watching his every move
placed in a club, filled with coaches and management people who are former players and who have themselves played at the highest levels and who all know what it "feels" like to be traded, or demoted, or released
when you know the player in question will feel hurt or embarrassed by the public reaction that he has somehow "failed"

Then it is absolutely the role of the club to help a young player through whatever circumstance comes his way, including, in this particular instance, being returned to his junior club, especially when his expectation was that he would make the big team.

We all know times are very unlike the 1960's, when the Punch Imlach-led Leafs, or the Vince Lombardi-led Green Bay Packers were franchises run very differently than the way sports franchises are run today. With some exceptions, there was generally little concern demonstrated publicly - or privately - about the "feelings" of a professional athlete.

But clubs nowadays have a clear responsibility - having invested millions and millions of dollars in scouting, drafting, signing and developing players - to do even more, especially when they are dealing with young people.

This particular story may well have a happy ending. The player in question will likely earn a spot on the club's roster this season, an awesome achievement for someone only 19 years of age. Perhaps the so-called "demotion" did indeed provide motivation that has helped to better prepare this young athlete for success at the higher level.

Maybe the apparently "cold" manner in which the "demotion" was handled a year ago "taught" the young player a valuable (if sad) lesson about the reality of the business of sport.

But it is fair to say that a lot of hurt feelings and potential negative outcomes could have been avoided, had a support system, and a communication approach, been in place a year ago to help establish reasonable expectations, and prepare the young player as best as possible for whatever decision the club was ultimately going to have to make at the time.

It's always wiser to be well prepared in advance for all possible eventualities, so when the sensitive circumstance or "crisis" does hit, an organization is well equipped to handle things as well as possible.

"What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate"

As trite as the expression sounds, the reality is that poor communication, ineffective communication or simply a lack of communication can severely damage relationships.

It damages personal relationships, be they parent-child, or husband-wife.

It damages teacher-student relationships.

It damages boss-employee relationships.

And in sports, it absolutely damages coach-player relationships.

Through the past 25 years in the communications field, and in our overall life experience, it has become clear to us that strong relationships are very often-in fact almost always-based on solid and effective communication.

Some individuals are not natural communicators. Some are unwilling to try, others seemingly unable. Some think they are already effective communicators and it isn't until a 'crisis' of sorts arises that they are confronted with the reality-they do not communicate effectively and clearly.

But as with most things, communication -like listening, is a skill that can be developed.

We often remind clients that hearing is a sense, listening is a skill.

Similarly, in terms of communication, the willingness to really take the next step, to really "engage", can have a tremendous impact in creating the kind of harmonious relationship that can make all the difference for a player, or a coach, in terms of not only their personal success, but the success of the team.

At Prospect, we routinely see examples of poor communication, or simply a failure to communicate at all.

This occurs not only at the highest levels of sport--the NHL, NBA etc--but in the world of amateur sports and at the minor, grassroots level as well. It occurs in virtually all sports-- in team sports such as soccer and baseball, or individual athletic pursuits such as gymnastics and tennis.

As you visit our site, think about the ways your career, or organization, has been impacted by a failure to really and truly take the time to communicate effectively--to understand what it takes to communicate thoughtfully, clearly and credibly, and the time required to build the skills that will help you accomplish your objectives.

We can make a significant difference for you, your team, your association, organization or company.

It's Hard to Have Perspective Sometimes

Something that has become clear to us over the years in the work that we do, is that athletes - by their own admission - often appreciate the life they HAD after they retire, more than the life they HAVE while they are still playing.


Often times athletes find the public demands and responsibilities that go hand-in-hand with being a high profile performer are, at best, frustrating. Demands from ownership/management, coaches, fans and media seem to become at times expectations that simply cannot be met to everyone’s satisfaction.


Sometimes an athlete simply does not understand or fully appreciate what those demands and expectations really are - and how best to deal with them.


Fair or not, this often leads to broken relationships with fans, media and coaches.


Sometimes only after they are out of the limelight, do these athletes fully appreciate the ‘celebrity’ that they had achieved; that they were ‘someone’, that people seemed to ‘care’ who they were and what they did.


In short, they not only miss the camaraderie of their teammates, the competition…they miss the attention, the limelight.


Not everyone, certainly. But many athletes are known to reflect - years after their retirement – on how much they miss just about everything about the game. They even miss some of the things they complained about when they were still playing.


Ironically, it is some of the same athletes who were uncooperative with fans and media, who hope to land plum media assignments when their careers are over, as a way of soothing the transition away from the game, and so as not to lose all of the many ‘perks’ associated with being a high-profile athlete.


Given their previous attitudes, that is not always easy to accomplish.


It is also true, unfortunately, that some athletes only realize after the fact—too late, often-- that the media, for example, does not have to be the enemy.


One of the finest basketball players of all time is former Milwaukee Buck and LA Laker legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who entered the NBA more than 30 years ago as Lew Alcindor, out of UCLA.


While a brilliant performer on the court, the now Hall-of-Famer—despite often presenting as a thoughtful, articulate and sensitive individual—did not seem to carry that brilliance off the court. His relationship with those around him, including the fans and the media, it was often reported, was strained, at best.


Interestingly, Jabbar has struggled to find what many would see as his rightful and logical place in the game. He has long desired to be a Head Coach. He was for a short while an assistant coach with the Los Angeles Clippers during a troubled time in their history a few years back, but has apparently never been offered a top job either in the NBA, or at the NCAA level.


He now enjoys a position as a Head Coach with a minor-league club in the United States.


In reflecting upon his life and career during a recent conversation with ESPN.COM, Abdul-Jabbar spoke of what the game means to him now. His comments are quite revealing:


“It’s kind of an opportunity for me to give something back to the game, and to get something from the game, through teaching it, that I had no idea of. Being an administrator, dealing with the fans and the players and the owners and the press differently than I did in the past. You know, I was great on the court, but I wasn’t too good in those other areas.”


When asked if this was something he was conscious of trying to change or turn around, he replied, “No, it’s just…I can be better at it. I understand now what it means and how to do it. Reporters used to ask me the same inane questions year-in and year-out, city-to-city, and it would drive me crazy. But I understand now that there are people who are just coming into the game, and they have no idea, and that question—whatever it is—at this point, is very new to them. While it’s decades old for me, it’s new to them, and I have to understand that that’s something I can give them”.


Most of us, as we age, acquire through life experience a kind of wisdom, along with a respect for the job that others do—or have to do. This wisdom sometimes allows us to understand things we did not try to understand before.


Much like not appreciating something—our health, a friend—before it is gone, we sometimes wait until late in the game to put ourselves in other people’s shoes.


For many current athletes, Abdul-Jabbar’s comments are worthy of reflection. It appears as though one of the greatest talents of his generation recognizes now, in retrospect, that his “off-field” demeanor did not match up well with his on-court performance. He struggled “beyond the game”.


And as importantly, he seems to be acknowledging that maybe it would have been better had he looked at things a little differently earlier on.

John Rocker, One Year Later. Where Were Rocker's "People"?

It would be difficult to find a thoughtful individual who was not in some way troubled by the comments attributed to former Atlanta Braves pitcher John Rocker over the winter prior to the 2001 major league baseball season.

At the time, Rocker was a young man, in his mid-20's, an emerging star with the Atlanta Braves, a perennial contender.

Reports indicate a writer from Sports Illustrated approached him over the winter to, more or less, 'spend a day' with the young left-hander.

A couple of weeks later a story appeared in the national sports magazine that quoted Rocker extensively. Sadly, many of Rocker's comments were harsh, hurtful-at best insensitive, to many observers much more than that.

Clearly, Rocker's comments, regardless of whether he was expressing what he really felt, or was 'playing up to the reporter', were disappointing - and hurt - many people.
That what the young athlete evidently said was thoughtless and harmful is not in question.

But the entire scenario raises some questions when it comes to the relationship between athletes and reporters.

The question is not necessarily, "Did Rocker mean what he said?" Or, whether he should have said what he reportedly said. Of course, he was wrong to do so.

The issue is not whether he thought he was 'off the record'. That should not make any difference. If a high profile business leader, entertainer or athlete talks to a reporter, he or she should expect to be quoted-regardless of whether they believe there is some spoken or unspoken agreement that their comments will not be attributed to them.

The question is not even "Was he taken out of context?" His comments were so specific, so thoughtless, that that excuse seems implausible.

The question we must ask is: "Where was Rocker's support system?"

The point is not to absolve Rocker of blame. He has been 'punished' for stating his harmful views publicly. The reactions included extensive negative media reaction, teammates reportedly avoiding him, a suspension, two trades and a recent demotion to the minors that leave his career and future under a cloud.

Again, the question is: "Who helped him prepare for this interview? Where was his agent? The team's public relations advisors? Was no one aware of the plan to have this young athlete spend an entire day with a reporter? If not, why not?"

Who took the time to sit down with a young athlete, perhaps naive regarding the ways of the media, and explain to him the "do's and don'ts" of speaking with the media?

Again, no one should seek to absolve Rocker of responsibility for his comments. We as individuals - including professional athletes - are accountable for our actions.

But it only makes sense that young athletes should have someone to help guide them in the best ways to handle themselves 'off the field'.

Hopefully someone to remind them that, like it or not, they are a role model for many youngsters. They have an image. Their public thoughts do matter, and can cause harm.
Those thoughts, expressed publicly, can harm an individual's future, too.

That someone feels the things that John Rocker evidently felt when he spoke to that reporter is sad. That he uttered them for public consumption leaves an empty feeling as well.

That no one was there in advance to lend a hand reminds us that virtually all young athletes - sometimes even million-dollar athletes - need support sometimes, too, from very early on in their career.

Loose Lips: Off the Record still a slippery slope

For more than a week, there have been widespread media reports that the CFL may well have a new commissioner soon.

If this were to occur, it would appear there would have been a number of reasons for this decision, but our interest in this issue is straightforward.

We work with clients to ensure that they - to the best of their ability - understand the world they must operate within off the playing field (or ice, court, etc.)

In no small measure, that includes a willingness to develop an understanding of how the media operates, and the importance of building positive relationships with those whose business it is to "cover" professional sports.

While some observers long for the days when the relationship between reporters and athletes - or coaches - was generally (though not always) far more laid back, it has been clear for many, many years that things have changed.

Where once upon a time the indiscretions of an athlete may have been known to a reporter - but not reported. That is far less likely to happen now in a world of 24 hour-a-day news and sports channels on both television and radio, not to mention the presence of the Internet.

In the "olden" days, players or coaches may have said something in anger to a reporter, or just to blow off steam, but indicated their comments were "off the record". (Sometimes the words "off the record" did not even have to be mentioned. It was just an assumed part of the sometimes-cozy interdependent relationship between media member and sports personality.) In some quarters it would have been considered untrustworthy to break that informal, unstated "agreement". While sometimes garnering a great story, or an angle no one else had, the reporter may have been seen as having broken a trust with the athlete or coach in question.

In any event, that was then and, of course, this is now.

The still, as of now, current CFL commissioner reportedly made comments to a Toronto Star reporter that brought a quick and evidently angry response from a CFL owner.

Reports since that time in various news outlets indicate the commissioner thought his comments to the reporter were to be "off the record". That is, that they would not be reported publicly.

While such circumstances often lead to a "he said-she said" type of scenario, this much is clear: While candor and being "up front" and not simply mouthing boring clichés to the press can certainly be a positive attribute - and quite refreshing, to be sure - even experienced individuals in the corporate - and sports sector - need always to be aware that anything they say to a reporter is something they should be able to live comfortably with when they pick up the newspaper the next day.