It's all about... me.

In an English Premiership soccer tilt this past December, powerhouse Manchester United was in full control of a game against a lesser opponent.

With a 3-0 lead, emerging star Carlo Tevez had scored twice already in the contest.

Fairly late in the contest, United was awarded a penalty kick. Cristiano Ronaldo prepared to handle the shot, as he is the player designated by Coach Sir Alex Ferguson to take such opportunities.

When Tevez quietly approached Ronaldo, the team’s “superstar”, to ask if he could take the kick to complete his “hat trick”, Ronaldo reportedly said “no”.

Ego and self-interest have always been a huge part of sport. In fact, many would argue that those are “qualities” that top athletes need, along with self-confidence, to ensure their success at the highest levels.

But Ronaldo’s response was a flawed one, nonetheless.

It is understandable that a proud athlete like Ronaldo would want to take that kick, as that is one of his designated jobs with United.

Perhaps he said “no” to his own teammate, Tevez, and later regretted it, though this is unlikely given Ronaldo’s history.

It could also happen that a player would let Tevez, or any other teammate, take his place in such a situation, and do the “right” thing publicly, but privately be unhappy about it.

This response would be quite human.

But the true leader, the real “team player”, would take it upon himself to give the opportunity to a teammate. He wouldn’t wait to be asked.

It could be argued that Tevez was being selfish, too, by even making that request; that he was putting his own personal glory ahead of his team.

But an athlete with class would not even have to be asked. He would have gone over to Tevez and insisted his young teammate take the shot.

That it didn’t happen is not a surprise. Just disappointing, and yet another poor example for young athletes around the globe.

Criticizing a teammate has its price

I’ve spoken often in these commentaries about the importance of being a true team player.

This applies at any level, from elite youth sports to the professional ranks.

It is not easy to be a team player. Every athlete, every competitor, wants to be on the field of play, wants to contribute to their team’s success and wants to be recognized in some fashion.

This can put you at odds with the “team” concept when you are the one called upon to take a seat—especially if you are generally a “starter” and expect to play.

The fact that in sports we count not only wins and losses (a team stat) but goals and assists, or home runs and touchdowns (individual stats) makes it even more difficult.

We hear, for example, about the NFL running back that gains 2,000 yards in a season, but most fans could not name two of the offensive linemen who made the blocks to allow the all-star back to shine.

This makes the player who contributes in subtle but important ways less visible to most fans, though generally not to astute coaches.

One recent example of the difficulty in being a ‘team player’ came as the U.S. women’s soccer team was preparing to play the semi-final of a World Cup qualifier against Brazil.

The U.S. coach decided to play a veteran keeper over a younger goalie, Hope Solo, who had played well leading up to the Brazil game.

The U.S. lost 4-0 and afterwards, on her personal web site, Solo commented that,

"There's no doubt in my mind I would have made those saves," Solo said. "You have to live in the present. And you can't live by big names. You can't live in the past."

The implication was clear: the U.S. squad started the other goalie based on past reputation; she (Solo) would have made the stops the other goalie didn’t.

And Solo said so publicly.

Reaction to her comments was quite negative.

Seemingly trying to work her way through the reaction—so as not to appear as though she had “jumped ship”, in terms of standing by her teammates—an ESPN web story later related the following:

On Friday, Solo said while she still doubts Ryan's strategy, she did not mean to hurt Scurry.

"Although I stand strong in everything I said, the true disheartening moment for me was realizing it could look as though I was taking a direct shot at my own teammate," Solo said, according to the Web site. "I would never throw such a low blow. Never."

Is it easy to understand Solo’s frustration at being benched before the biggest game of the year?

Certainly.

But did she, in effect, cross the invisible line when she made her initial post-game comments?

Yes again.

A day later, the U.S. team’s Head Coach removed Solo from the squad, perhaps only temporarily. But she was not even on the bench when the U.S. won the event’s third-place game.

The coach’s comment:

“We have moved forward with 20 players who have stood by each other, who have battled for each other. And when the hard times came -- and the Brazil game was a hard time -- they stood strong."

The inference was clear: Solo, in making her comments—and subsequent apology notwithstanding—had indeed crossed that invisible line.

I have often reiterated that the media criticizes athletes for being vanilla, but in the same breath often admonishes them when they are candid and honest.

In this instance, Solo’s sin was not simply being honest and speaking her mind, but seemingly putting her own feelings above those of the team, in a public forum.

Is this fair?

Coaches want athletes who are confident, who believe in themselves. Solo was showing, by her comments, that she believed very strongly in herself.

But when she made the comments, she also, perhaps inadvertently, criticized her own teammate.

Reports suggest the U.S. may now bring in other goalies as part of the national squad going forward.

There is sometimes a price to pay for speaking out. In this instance, the comments will be remembered for a long time in the soccer world, and will no doubt follow Solo.

A steep price, for sure.

The cooling-off period between the game and the time she created her web comments might have provided Solo with the opportunity to massage the rough edges of her true feelings.

For reasons only she can answer, she chose to go a different route with her public comments.

Once made, you can’t take them back.

"Irate soccer mom brings game to screeching halt"

Irate soccer mom brings game to screeching halt

It’s not as though we have never seen this type of headline before.

But the particular details—a youth soccer game in July of this year involving kids under the age of 8, with a 14-year old referee—reflect a kind of “over-invested” attitude that many of us, as parents, need to address.

In this particular instance, a mother and father of a young player were charged with assault against the young referee.

By all accounts the local soccer Association dealt with the matter promptly and effectively. But after all the public discourse on the subject of parents fighting with coaches, referees, and other parents, we wonder: why does this kind of thing still happen?

While these “events” are not exactly common, they aren’t quite rare, either. Those of us who have stood on the sidelines at a soccer or baseball game, or in a rink at a youth hockey game, can readily attest that the emotional heat gets turned up pretty quickly, and way too often.

Any number of things can flip the switch—a young player who is perceived to be playing “dirty”; a coach who does not play a particular child as much as another player; a referee’s decision; a comment by a parent on the “opposing” team, and many other things.

All these are triggers, and because this generation of parents is so invested in our kids, it sometimes takes very little to get certain individuals going.

Those of us involved in the sports world, including the youth sports field, have made numerous suggestions over the years as to how this type of behaviour can be at least somewhat mitigated. For example, I wrote very widely published articles within the last two years on the subjects of “Soccer Sideline Etiquette” and “Hockey Rink Etiquette” for parents. The articles were overwhelmingly well received by sports organizations across Canada and the United States, but any of us who have written on this or similar subjects recognize that it’s not an easy problem to “solve”.

Many years ago minor hockey officials in Canada developed ad campaigns encouraging parents to take their kids to the rink to watch them play. The message was simple: spend time with your kids. A few years and many incidents later, officials encouraged parents to drop their kids off at the local rink—a clear indication that things had changed and that hockey officials now believed that parents served best as taxi drivers than as a loud, argumentative presence setting horrible examples from the stands.

It must be human nature: we all (or at least most of us) seem to think our kids are “better” than the other kids; deserve more playing time; always receive the bad end of referees’ decisions; are the ones that spend more time listening to other parents complaining than we complain ourselves.

Most of us would really benefit from actually looking in the proverbial mirror, and assessing if we contribute to the problems that often surface in youth sports. We may not be the person who harasses a 14-year old referee, but if we help create a toxic atmosphere on our son or daughter’s youth team, we are contributing to the problems that create the unhappiness that leads to these totally unacceptable outbursts.

Building your youth soccer team with real team players

I first created this piece in 2006, to help high-level youth coaches identify the distinctive characteristics they should look for in identifying athletes who will be real team players. The article has already been picked up by many sites, including the National Soccer Coaches Association of Canada (NSCAC).


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Building Your Youth Soccer Team With Real Team Players

15 traits — good and bad — that coaches should identify when looking for a true team player in youth sports

Is there anyone more passionate in the world of sports than a soccer enthusiast?

And if you coach youth soccer, you likely have a deep and abiding love for the game.

You also want your players to love the game, have fun and hopefully achieve some “success”.

For you, success means far more than wins and losses. Oh, you want to win. Any competitive person — young or old, coach, player or parent — generally wants to win, even in so-called “youth” sports.

But beyond that, you really do aspire to help build character in the young people in your care, and to build a team that plays hard and tough but fair.

So if you have the responsibility for selecting players for your all-star, select or “rep” teams, what are you looking for as you build this competitive young team?

Players with talent, to be sure.

Young athletes with a passion for soccer, absolutely.

But if you really want to have a “successful” team of young players, based on the above criteria, you will need to find true ‘team’ players.

So what are you looking for? What is a true ‘team’ player in youth sports?

True team players may not always be the most talented or naturally gifted players, but they make your team better by their sheer presence. The poor team player has an attitude that can spread like a disease, and over time can kill the harmony and chemistry that is often critically important in helping you attain the positive goals you have set out for your young squad.

Here, then, are some qualities, attributes, characteristics and/or behaviour patterns you will — and won’t— want to have on your team

1) Positive attitude

It’s an easy term to throw out there, but more than ever, in a generation filled with bulging egos and self-interest, a positive attitude — toward others and your team — is critically important in choosing an athlete for a high-level team.

What are tell-tale signs of a good — or bad — attitude in a young athlete?

- Does the player listen, or does he/she slough off input from coaches?

- Does the player have a strong work ethic all over the field?

- Does he/she have the ability to self-reflect, to really look at themselves in the mirror and see when they are not performing the way they should?

- Does the player work out on their own?

- Does the individual accept constructive criticism?

- Does the player work on their shortcomings, or only focus on the things they like to do or are good at?

As a coach, you can fill in the blanks with many other attributes relating to the importance of attitude.

In short, you want the player who will play a role when needed, accept the non-glory jobs, play (as much as is reasonable to expect of a young athlete) for the team more than simply for scoring goals or their own egos.

2) Work ethic

The willingness to work hard, really hard, to improve your skills is vital.

Pele was the world’s greatest soccer player, but also perhaps its hardest worker as he worked relentlessly to hone his abundant natural skills.

Wayne Gretzky was a hockey phenom, but worked and worked to get better every day from a very early age.

Does being a diligent worker make you a great team player? Not necessarily, if you don’t associate with and respect your fellow players.

But the vast majority of young athletes who work hard do so because they love the sport, truly want to be the best they can be, and by extension are great influences on their teammates.

Being a good teammate and team player is not necessarily being the most ‘popular’, but it can include setting important examples, especially in terms of work ethic.

3) Picking up and supporting a fellow player when they are down

The player you are looking for can identify when a teammate is struggling, needs a pat on the back, and a shot of confidence.

This is tough to expect when players are really young, but by the time a young person is 12 or 13, it is a quality that you can look for.

I remember a few years ago that I asked one of my clients, an NHL player, a question that I sensed he had never been asked before. I asked him if he could identify one player in his pro career who he thought of as a truly excellent teammate and team player, specifically someone who didn’t blame others and supported his own teammates when they were down.

He named James Patrick, the long time defenseman, who has had a quiet but lengthy and distinguished career in the NHL.

That has always stayed with me.

As a youth coach, you want to find as many James Patrick-type players as possible!

4) Helping other/younger players

This does not necessarily apply until older ages when say, a 13 or 14 year old is playing with older athletes, but it can be a very important attribute in an “older” youth player.

The great team player senses when a younger player is struggling, uncomfortable or anxious. He/she will spend some time with the younger player, talk with them, make them realize they are a part of the team, and generally include them in team activities.

I remember many years ago, when I was coaching a youth baseball team. One of my four sons was on the team. (Yes, I was one of those coaches with a son on their team!). There was quite an age spread on this particular team, 13 to 16.

During one game, I came down very hard on my son, in a way that I likely would not have with any other player. I unloaded. He accepted it and but was hurt and upset and quietly went to seek a quiet space in the corner of the dugout.

One of his teammates, a 16 year-old catcher and true team leader, quietly went over, knelt down in front of my son, took him gently by the shoulders and just spoke with him privately.

That response lifted my son’s spirits and made him feel much, much better, and also showed the quality of character of this young person.

That day, a 16-year old did a lot more for my son’s growth and development than I did.

He also reinforced for me what a true team player is, at any level of sport.

5) Showing genuine happiness when others succeed

This is hard for most of us as adults, so it is quite an expectation for us to have of a young athlete.

This is especially difficult during the tryout process, when players are obviously competing for positions on the team.

But once the final squad is selected, it is important that players support one another in good times and bad.

It can be particularly challenging to find joy in the success of your teammates, but if you can, it is a wonderful gift to share.

The coach who identifies a lot of players who can do this will have a strong team, on and off the field.

6) Negative body language

Visit any soccer pitch and you will see young players, very young players, demonstrate negative body language that must have been learned by example: an example perhaps set by watching older players on TV, or in their own homes.

Some specific examples of this behaviour?

Players shoot the evil eye at teammates when that other player is thought to have made a mistake; they throw their hands up in the air whenever an officials’ call goes against them or their team (it seems to be human nature to disagree with calls by referees on occasion, but when a player reacts repeatedly, it is a problem); they won’t look their coach in the eye, or simply tune their coach out. All these can be small but important signs that this particular player will let you — and the team— down at crunch time.

7) The selfish player

Selfish play doesn’t only show itself when a player won’t “pass the ball”. That does happen, and can pose a problem, of course, if a young player repeatedly refuses to look for the open man when the opportunity calls for it.

But selfish play shows itself in a variety of ways, and youth coaches need to be on guard. The player who incessantly harps at game officials is not a team player, because he/she is only hurting their team by complaining constantly to officials who, being human, may take out their own frustration against your team.

The player who constantly throws his hands up in the air when a call goes against him is being selfish. I recently saw a youth soccer player called for a foul in the middle of the field. No damage to his team, really. But after twice elbowing his opponent near the head and being called, he acted as though he had done nothing wrong, and proceeded to throw the ball out of bounds, delaying the game.

The referee promptly gave the player a yellow card.

Was that helping his team?

Again, the example is often set at the pro levels. When Tie Domi hit Scott Niedermeyer with a violent elbow to the head — for no apparent reason—in the dying seconds of a critical NHL playoff game a few years ago, many believe the thoughtless act wrecked any chances his team, the Maple Leafs, had of upsetting the favored New Jersey Devils. Domi was suspended for the senseless act, and rather than focus on a great game the Leafs had just played in victory, the media and the hockey world focused solely on Domi’s actions. A thoughtless, selfish play hurt his team, badly.

The Leafs lost the series.

8) The blame game

Perhaps it is a reflection of the way some professional athletes act out, or maybe it is that too many of us as parents have gone overboard in ‘supporting’ our own kids. Whatever, far too many young athletes simply look to blame others when things go wrong.

Rather than look at their own performance, they pick at teammates, blame others for goals that are scored, and generally fail to recognize their own errors while focusing on the ‘mistakes’ of others.

This attitude can spread like wildfire, and is highly toxic.

9) “I’m better than you”

Everyone is, of course, entitled to their own opinion. Stand on any soccer sideline at youth games and you’ll hear plenty of them.

Opinions become an issue, however, when parents start thinking their kid is better than everyone else’s.

And when the young players themselves act as though they are better than their teammates — either in the actual things the say, the tone they adopt when interacting with fellow players, coaches, or the way they exclude certain teammates on or off the field, it is a major problem.

Young players who think they’re great and better than everyone else and that others are the problem create an environment for failure, on many levels.

10) “I’ll play anywhere, coach”

Most every coach loves the player who is versatile, can play different positions and accepts tough roles.

Often, part of being a good team player is being the kind of player that a coach can count on to embrace sometimes low-profile but difficult assignments.

If you can find players with the willingness to take on different tasks, you’ll be doing well.

11) Humility

Genuine humility is difficult to find, at any age. We are all taught a kind of superficial, false modesty at a very young age, and that is socially encouraged, to a certain extent.

And human nature being what it is, we all have pride. That’s OK.

But developing a truly humble attitude is a wonderful trait in a young athlete.

To take pride in working toward or achieving a goal is generally a healthy thing.

But reminding him or herself that few if any athletes accomplish things totally on their own is a good thing for young athletes. You usually need helpful and supportive parents, excellent coaches, teammates who also strive to be better, as part of one’s support system.

Even world class athletes in “individual”, non-team sports such as gymnastics, figure-skating and swimming need the support of others to attain great things, whether that support is financial, emotional or otherwise.

Goodness knows the professional sports world is filled with individuals who think primarily of themselves. The youth sports world — and your team— can always do with some humility.

12) A focus on fitness

There is more to being a good soccer player than technical skills.

There is no question that if a young person wants to be an elite athlete, they need to get into outstanding physical condition, especially in soccer.

Is your potential player willing to do additional training on their own and with teammates, beyond games and practises?

Some may think that just being a soccer player —with all the running that entails— will keep you in top shape. In fact, to get to an elite level, to become the kind of player that won’t shut down late in a tough game, you need to be in better physical condition than the player opposite you.

By being in great condition, a young player won’t let themself down, and they won’t let their team down, either.

13) Welcoming “new” players to the team

There is often an awkward transition period for any athlete, but perhaps especially young athletes, when a player changes teams or joins a new team.

The young player may not know many of his/her fellow players and teammates, and there may be a period of discomfort.

The team player will welcome newcomers to the team, answer their questions, share experiences and generally offer a genuine and warm welcome, both on and off the field.

14) A player who shows respect for the coach, teammates and themselves

No player, from the youngest “house league” player to the star professional, will always agree with their coach.

Whether the issue is playing time, method of instruction, discipline, whatever, there will always be the possibility of disagreement.

But the team player will recognize that the coach may see the ‘big picture’ and will follow the coach’s plan for the team. This player doesn’t freelance and simply do his or her own thing..

The team player will do his or her best to adopt the strategic recommendations of the coach, and respect the coach’s philosophy — assuming, of course, the youth coach is of strong character with solid values.

(On this point, parents have every right to disagree with a coach, but those disagreements should be discussed privately, away from other players and parents.

If the conflicts cannot be resolved, the parents have the option of raising legitimate issues or concerns with a “higher authority” or seeking an alternate program for their son or daughter.)

Assuming good will on everyone’s part, the player with the team uppermost in mind will respect not only his coach, but also his or her fellow players. That final point should not be undervalued. A player who respects their teammates is worth their weight in gold.

This doesn’t mean there won’t be joking, camaraderie and even some healthy competition and occasional words of criticism. But if the basis of the relationship is genuine respect, then the relationship can build and flourish.

15) The follower

Not every person — or athlete— is a leader, so it is certainly not reasonable to expect that every young player will be a leader.

Our course, one thing to be aware of as a youth coach is the young player who is not only a follower, but who follows the wrong kind of example.

The follower is the one that easily falls in with negative peer influences, displays immature judgments or inappropriate outbursts with coaches, fellow players or officials, for example.

One influential player with a negative attitude can carry other players who fall into the ‘follower’ category with them, and that can seriously impede team harmony.

Final thoughts

Beyond these 15 points, there are, of course, other attributes as a coach that you will have taken note of over the years in building a youth team. But these 15 things give a coach some points to seriously consider, as they go about building a real “team” in youth sports.

A final thought: Too many teams are kept together from year to year in youth sports, because of a variety of factors, including politics, with no room for “new blood”.

This can be troubling for a couple of reasons. By almost automatically keeping the same players year after year, regardless of attitude or work ethic, players and their parents develop a sense of entitlement that they, without question, deserve to be on a particular team.

Also, a youth coach, in adopting this restrictive approach, may miss some players who would be excellent additions to their squad, and be real team players.

Unfortunately, the “tryout” process is often way too short. The longer a coach can carry on their tryout process, the better they will be able to identify the traits, qualities and characteristics that will help them locate players who are hidden gems.

And a team player is just that: a gem.

Michael Langlois, founder of Prospect Communications Inc., is the author of the book, “How Well Do You Communicate? A Guide to Better Communication with Players and Parents for Minor (Youth) Soccer Coaches”. Prospect’s web site is located at http://www.prospectcommunications.com. This article is copyrighted to the author and may not be reproduced without obtaining written permission. To inquire about licensing the right to reproduce any of the enclosed content email: inquiries@prospectcommunications.com